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Will somebody please step in and put an end to the nightmare? The world does not need another Real Madrid. We didn’t even need the one. Can’t Putin step in here in a humanitarian gesture for the good of all mankind? At least that large portion of mankind that enjoys soccer? Please throw Abramovich in the Gulag before things get any uglier.

At first I didn’t have much problem with Chelsea. I even felt a little bad for all their posh fans who toiled in mid-table obscurity for years and years. Abramovich started out nice enough. He kept the very likable Claudio Ranieri coaching the team despite his never quite getting them over the hump for an extra year or two. He came in and dropped cash right from the start, but it was generally on players with more potential than experience, and didn’t massively over-pay for them.

But he got bored with all that, and now all hell has broken loose.

The Galacticos North buy whatever catches Roman’s eye now. Jose Mourinho, the best coach in the world–at least in his own mind–was the tipping point. But, even he seemed content to bring in his former players and a few younger stars, that although very talented, were more or less unknowns. That shot them to the top of the Premiership table and they’ve stayed there ever since. No sign of budging. The Premier League is now played for the European spots (2 through 7, or whatever)–the winner is evident before the season kicks off.

That wasn’t enough for Tsar Roman. He won’t be happy until his plaything dominates the world. They’ve yet to win the Champions League. They tried it Jose’s way, now it looks like it’s Roman’s way.

The signings this year aren’t the type Mourinho would have went after. They also aren’t to plug any particular hole that Chelsea might have had. They are aging megastars that are vastly overpriced, filling positions that are already well-stocked. Ballack, Shevchenko, Roberto Carlos. The one Mourinho-type signing was the youngster Mikel, who was stolen, literally it seems, from ManUnited.

This sort of thing didn’t work at Madrid. They have a collection of all-stars, but they can’t even manage to win their league. Chelsea hasn’t learned the lesson and is headed down the same road, but are bringing the rest of the league down with them. This could be why Mourinho had made noises about wanting to coach Portugal’s national team instead. You get the sense he’s not exactly thrilled about the way things are going now either.

Nor am I. Soccer is better off without this sort of idiocy. Does a salary cap need to be instituted? I tend to be a traditionalist and am generally against stuff like that, but something must be done. Chelsea must be stopped.

Argentina, Holland, Ivory Coast, Serbia Montenegro

Every World Cup has a so-called Group of Death, and this is generally considered to be the one this time around. The one group that is packed with all good teams and it’s unlucky for the two that don’t manage to advance. This is a strong group, no question about that, but I don’t know if it’s quite that strong to deserve the billing. But, every match in this group should be a good one. The Argentina/Holland match-up might be the highlight of the entire group stage.

Argentina is as fabulous as ever, 20 years down the road since Maradona played. There’s always been the ‘next Maradona’ in every one of their teams since, although no one has ever come close to living up to that. Lionel Messi may be the one that does. He’s 18 and seems destined to have a break-out World Cup. He’s already an amazing player. But we’ve heard all that before. Crespo, Ayala, and Aimer are all still around and still good, but are mostly working to make up for their previous lackluster displays. Riquelme is there as well, and has nothing to make up for. He’ll be as solid as ever. When they feel like playing, there aren’t many teams better, but they seem to get bored at times. Never boring, though.

It was a major shock last time that the Netherlands didn’t even qualify for the World Cup. They made sure of things this time by playing extremely well throughout the qualifiers. Their days of fighting amongst themselves and underperforming may be over. Coach Marco Van Basten has left off some of the big named stars and their egos, but still had plenty of talent to choose from. They should get loads of offense from Ruud van Nistleroy and Arjen Robben. But it might be the likes of Rafael Vander Vaart and Robin van Persie that get them over the edge. As long as they don’t implode yet again, they’re one of the strongest teams in the field.

The Ivory Coast is the strongest African team and will be right on the heels of the two previously mentioned favorites. Led by Robben’s over-valued teammate at Chelsea, Didier Drogba, they should be in every match. It’s their first World Cup and they’re looking to continue the tradition of first-time African participants exceeding expectations. Although they are talented enough to warrant some rather lofty expectations anyway.

Serbia Montenegro, in what will surely be their last World Cup since it looks like the countries will split by the next one, are not very pretty but they find ways to grind out a win. Yet another Chelsea player, Meteja Kezman, leads this gritty bunch who will give even the best teams some problems. In just about any other group, this is a team you might give an outside shot to slip through the group stage, but there’s probably just too much group for even them to slip through here.

The Group of Death? More like the Group of Chelsea–every team has a player or two with a tie to the London squad. It is certainly a great group though. Argentina can be dazzling, and a tough group may be just what they needed to keep them interested. Holland can be as good as anyone if they come together as a team, as they finally seem to have done. One slip-up by either and the Ivory Coast will be there to go through, and Serbia Montenegro will give everyone it plays a headache. Absolutely anything could happen in this group, and any of the teams could end up advancing. It may not be the Group of Death, but it will be the group to watch.

England, Sweden, Paraguay, Trinidad and Tobago

Group B is automatically my favorite group since my favorite team is in it. Unfortunately, my favorite team isn’t all they’re cracked up to be–as usual. England is arguably a whisker better than they were 4 years ago, but they remain delicate and are already being hampered with injuries. Sweden always gives England fits, and it should be those two teams fighting it out to win the group, with Paraguay (who are not Uruguay), and Trinidad and Tobago rounding things out.

England would have had to be one of those teams you’d consider just good enough to be able to beat anyone on their day–with a healthy Wayne Rooney. Rooney’s broken foot has taken care of those kinds of thoughts. He’s now expected to be able to play, but it’s much easier to have visions of him hobbling around ineffectually, than being the difference in a match. The ever optimistic Steven Gerrard will have to pick things up in Rooney’s absence. He has said England would have no chance at all if Rooney was out. Frank Lampard, runner-up FIFA player of the year–who votes for these things?–should solidify the midfield. He’s useful enough, but c’mon. England has also taken a couple of long-shots on unproven kids Aaron Lennon and 17-year-old Theo Walcott. That almost smacks of desperation.

The always tough to beat Sweden is one of the countries that England just can’t seem to handle. They even took a Swede as coach and it hasn’t helped. The main reason is, of course, that Sweden is a pretty decent team. Henrik Larsson is getting up there, but he’s still playing very well at 34, and Zlatan Ibrahimovich should do plenty of scoring as well if he can put the season he just had at Juventus behind him. This team could go a long way or they could have an early exit. The key might be on how well pretty-boy Freddie Ljundberg does. I know if I was a Sweden supporter I wouldn’t want my hopes resting on his shoulders–even if they are capable ones at times.

Paraguay are no longer the defensive minded stalwarts you may remember. Roque Santa Cruz should head a fairly potent offense, but they’re likely to leak more goals than they put in. They’re not a bad young team, and any major slips from the top two teams will see them into the second round.

Trinidad and Tobago are just happy to be there. They will be loose and laughing and having a good time. With an old Dwight Yorke and Stern John in the squad, their main objective for the tournament will be to beat England. If they manage that they’ll consider it a huge success, but they’re going home happy regardless. They’re the smallest country to ever qualify for the World Cup.

If England and Sweden don’t advance, it’ll be considered a huge upset. But those are the things that happen in the World Cup and this is one group where it looks imminent. The England/Sweden match is the last to be played. I can see the loser of that one heading home and Paraguay slipping through to the next round. This could be one of those groups that are fun to watch and could supply a surprise or two.

Germany, Poland, Costa Rica, Ecuador

Of course the host country, Germany, heads the first group. It is one of the weakest and least interesting groups in the tournament. The only real entertainment value may come from how the supporters behave, since Poland is the other, and only real, competition in the grouping. For long and obvious reasons, these two countries don’t care for each other much and both have contingents of right-wing fans prone to violence. There might be more fireworks in the stands than on the pitch.

Both should advance easily to the next round. Germany, led by the newest Chelsea multi-millionaire, Michael Ballack. A player that seems to get a lot more hype than he tends to deserve. Solid, no question, but he hasn’t shown the consistent brilliance he’s reputed to have. They also have the feuding goalkeepers in Kahn and Lehman, both thinking a bit too much of themselves, but both solid enough. They’re also coached by that lay-about, Klinsmann, who has taken a bit of stick for leisurely commuting from his California home. Germany has tried to go with youth and speed, but still don’t seem to have a strong offensive presence, and they have slipped a bit defensively trying to improve that offense. But, they are at home, and are comfortably good enough to sleep through the first round.

Poland always seems to be right on the edge of having a very good team. They’re still in that spot, which means they’re just better than average, but looking up. For them it’s more about who is not on the team this time. Long time keeper Jerzy Dudek is out, along with one of their best scoring threats in Frankowski. Both of these omissions sparked more interest, and unrest back in Poland, than the players actually going to Germany. Zurawski, who plays his club football for Celtic, might be good for a couple, but it’s hard to see where their goals are going to come from.

The other two teams are just afterthoughts in this field. Ecuador is a defensive minded team that is only a threat when they play on the top of a mountain. Down at a normal altitude, their opponents won’t be gasping–nor worried. Costa Rica is a team that needed smoke and mirrors just to qualify, and they’re going in the wrong direction. They tend to be aggressively offensive, but their leading scorer is the aging (aged?) Paulo Wanchope–that should say enough right there. They might be one of the weakest teams in the tournament this time around.

Germany and Poland can put it on cruise control and coast through this round. Despite some more attention being placed on the offensive side of things, these two teams still will rely on their defense to get through. Expect a lot of 1-0‘s, and mostly boring games from this group. The German/Poland match might be worth a look, but the real battle will probably take place in the beer gardens. These two will advance but will struggle against better competition later. The hosts might surprise a few decent teams playing at home–that‘s a big advantage.