The hot new rumor in the football world is that Cleveland Browns owner Randy Lerner is attempting to buy Aston Villa.

There are uncanny similarities between the Birmingham squad and the Browns. A Lerner would be taking over for the most reviled owner of a sports team since Art Modell. Again. Doug Ellis is loathed in England. The fan base is long suffering (and moan even longer about it). The purse strings have always been held tight and that has prevented the ‘big’ team ever competing with the usual front runners. Brum might be England’s ‘second city’, but it is gritty and blue collar–much like Cleveland. No one wants to be in the city, let alone play there. Lerner can begin to change all that–at least as far as the football goes.

The Manchester fans might have went ballistic when Malcolm Glazer sprung for their beloved Red Devils, but the Villians should welcome Lerner with open arms. He has loads of dosh and is a hands-off owner. Preferring to let people who know what they’re doing run the show.

This could be the perfect solution for every one. Aston Villa will be rescued from tyranny, and Lerner will be allowed to spend some of his billions without being hindered by a salary cap. They’d immediately be a better bet to win a championship sooner than his Browns back home. All of a sudden, the high profile managers that turn their noses up at Villa (maybe Martin O’Neill?) might be interested.

Steve Bruce and Birmingham City should be very worried. Aston Villa would be the dominant team in the Midlands.

If Lerner can pull this off, I’ll buy a Villa shirt tomorrow. That’s already 30 or 40 extra quid in the coffers and one more supporter. Well, at least a half-hearted one. Ipswich will always be my team. In fact, what is Lerner thinking? Ipswich is a much more deserving spot for his largesse. What is his number? I hope I’m not too late.

I had to look at the calendar to make sure it wasn’t the 13th. Nothing is going right today in my world or the football world.

Darren Bent, who was much more intelligent while playing for Ipswich, apparently came close to cutting his arm off trying to make a sandwich. He’s going to miss several weeks for Charlton. Football 365 has compiled a list of quirky injuries. I’m desperately looking for something to brighten the day and those helped.

One of my favorite gaffers, Mick McCarthy is taking over at Wolves. Welcome back to the Championship. That means Wolverhampton Wanderers has to now be added to the list of teams sure to be promoted before Ipswich Town. Oddly enough, Ipswich was recently looking for a manager themselves. McCarthy would have been perfect and would have proven Ipswich really wanted back in the top flight. Instead they pop for Jim Magilton, career coaching record (0-0). We will be mired in the Championship until I’m old. Older.

Alan Curbishley has said he’s not interested in filling what has to be the least attractive post in the Premiership–coaching at Villa. Aston Villa, with the worst chairman in the history of sport in Doug Ellis, has just sacked the worthless David O’Leary, only to find he might well have been the only person on the planet that wanted the job. You can forget any of the big names going there to die. Glenn Hoddle maybe. He’s about as worthless, so there may be some kind of weird balance in that move.

In one bright spot, Damien Duff appears headed for Newcastle. He was one of the few Chelski players I sort of liked. However, they seem to be clearing the way to sign Arsenal’s Ashley Cole. A move that can only be looked at with dread by the rest of the Premiership (and all mankind). I rather like seeing them dump loads of money on worthless pieces and parts, but it hurts when they get it right occasionally. Shipping Del Horno to Valencia opens it up for Cole, and they’re the one team in the league willing to overpay for him now.

Ruud Van Nistlerooy is supposed to return to training with ManU Monday despite all efforts to get rid of him. Unlike their northern rivals, Liverpool, who tend to dump quality players for next to nothing, United have a bit of business sense, and are waiting until they get a reasonable offer. Poor Christiano won’t get a wink of sleep all weekend now.

Or he could–if he tried to watch the second legs of the Intertoto Cup which resumes tomorrow. In what is easily the most worthless and unnecessary Cup competition in Europe. I might even opt for an MLS match over one of those. No. It’s not quite that bad.

Bruce Arena was quickly snatched up by the Red Bulls as the new joke coach of a joke team in a joke league. After his dismal running of an overrated American squad in the World Cup, I guess he had to take what he could get. He publicly complained right after the Cup that the American players had to go abroad to hone their skills in order to become competitive. He was absolutely correct there. The first thing he’d gotten right in a month. The advice didn’t apply to him, apparently. Sorry Bruce, Europe has all the bog standard coaches it needs at the moment–good luck in Jersey.

I’ve been looking over the transfer lists, but there really hasn’t been much to raise the eyebrows over yet. I don’t really think Chelsea has improved over last year despite dropping even more dosh. Ballack, Shevchenko, Mikel–so what? They’re going to be focused on the Champions League this year, since that’s the coveted bit of silverware they haven’t won. The race might be tighter in the Premier League. They just might end up with nothing. There’s always hope.

The Premiership challenge has to come from the usual suspects, though. There’s no new teams sneaking into the upper echelon yet. I think Arsenal are slipping a bit rather than gaining. Their defense is getting worse by the day. Cambell is gone. Senderos is out. Cole wants to leave. The new stadium isn’t going to be hosting the same quality that has been on the pitch at Highbury the last few years. The Invincibles, they aren’t. Chelsea probably won’t dip far enough for the Gunners to be a factor.

ManU need a few signings–and no, Ole Gunnar isn’t one. He’ll never be quite the same after his destroyed knee. They’re in the process of getting rid of Ruud, but dead set on keeping prissy Crissy Ronaldo (on the same team as his best mate in the world, Wayne Rooney). When they need help, and they do especially in the midfield, they’ve always gone out and got it. They’re still the biggest team in the game. As long as the Glasers keep up that tradition, they should add enough talent to push that London team.

Liverpool might be the strongest of the lot. They trimmed some dead weight. Bruno Cheyrou, the next Zidane, wasn’t and never will be. Morientes, Hamann, Cisse, were all superfluous parts. Adding Gabriel Paletta may help in the back. I’ve never cared for Craig Bellamy (Norwich bloke that he was), but Liverpool might be the perfect spot for him–if there is one. They want a few more signings, but the purse strings seem to be tightening. If they can wrestle away one of the relegated Italians or two–they could be right there at the end.

I always have a soft spot for Tottenham. Especially with Martin Jol coaching now. I always support them, but they only win when I’m not watching. They haven’t really bulked up any over last year, but the pack may come to them. I’ll do my part. I refuse to watch a live Spurs match until October (unless they’re playing Chelski). I’ll give them until then. Can’t say fairer than that.

The Italian verdicts are in–pending the inevitable appeal. They may not have been the draconian slams that the offense may have deserved. After all, how dare the bastards ruin one of the few good things in the world for their own greedy little ends. If I were King, I’d have their heads. Actually, I’d have many many heads, so it’s probably just as well I stay in my current position.

None of the rumors I heard concerning the possible penalties the clubs faced were worse than what actually came down. So, I’m not hugely disappointed. I half suspected it would be much lighter. There was even talk at one point of granting all involved an amnesty. There is a massive amount of money at stake, and that’s what everything comes down to in the end. It would have been a remarkable result if the Italians gave the crime a fitting sentence. They ended up slapping a little harder than I expected them to anyway. Sorry Inter fans (I’m one)–disbanding AC was never going to happen.

But for all you out there too disgusted to support the crooked Serie A, I offer redemption. There exists a fine little team in the East of England, in the idyllic setting of Constable country, off the North Sea coast. They play beautiful football. Stressing defense and passing. Well, that is seemingly what they often look to be doing. Sometimes you have to squint to see it. Good, solid, blue collar, hard-working, non-cheating… Everything you could ask for in a football team. They are Ipswich Town.

There is no match fixing there. The results speak for themselves. They couldn’t even afford to pay Darren Bent, Marcus Bent, Richard Wright, Kieron Dyer, Matt Holland, Herman Hriedersson. The sad list is endless. No thought could ever be given to attempting to buy a single ref. They don’t even offer me a pint to say nice things about them. The games don’t always end happily, but they are always legit.

So now’s your chance to get on the wagon. Don’t leave it too late. Once we get a bit of Champions League silverware, and all that–you’ll just be accused of being a frontrunner then. Soon as I’m King.

Whatever you do, take my advice (and Elvis Costello’s). Don’t go to Chelsea.

Newcastle will kick things off tomorrow night at St James’ Park against Lillestrom in the Intertoto Cup. They do it without Michael Owen, obviously. Alan Shearer is no more. And the diminutive Scott Parker now wears the captain’s arm band. I like Glenn Roeder, but I think Toon are going to find it tough going this year. They’ll be solid mid-table, but they’ll need some signings if they’re going to keep up with the tier of teams just below Chelsea (Arsenal, ManU, Liverpool).

The Italian verdicts are supoposed to be in about now. They wanted to wait until the financial markets closed for the weekend. That should tell you something. Juve, Fiorentina, Lazio are all to be relegated to Serie B and AC Milan are booted from the Champions League. Now all we need is some public beheadings of the guilty refs and team management, and we’ll call things square.

Still not much of immediate note taking place in the football world. The Italians are apparently giving the players and fans a chance to enjoy the Cup before dragging the unpleasantness of the match fixing verdicts back out. Needs to happen very soon, though. It’s expected that Juventus will be slammed, but the other parties, even Fiorentina, will just get a slap.

Real Madrid continues their never ending quest to make as many big money busts as possible. Rumored to have been courting one of the most worthless high profile coaches in the world in Sven Goren Erickson, now they’re leading the race to land a worthless high profile striker as well. Ruud van Nistlerooy appears set to go to Spain. Man U would love to dump him. Especially since they seem to want to keep weepy Ronaldo now, and Ruud always hurts his feelings. Looks like Barcelona in a walk this year. Real is becoming a laughing stock. All that money–and nothing to show for it but a circus act. Take note Chelski.

Speaking of hurt feelings, the word is FIFA is now looking into Materazzi to see what he did to provoke Zidane. What are they going to do? Ban players from talking to each other? I don’t care what he said to him, Zidane has to know better. It’s the bloody World Cup final, you imbicile. Kick his ass later. You’d think a French player would know what to do in that situation. He should have taken a page out of the Monty Python book and just ran away from the insidious taunting, whether his mother wears the combat boots or not.

Ipswich’s first loss of the season is only about 3 weeks away already. The Championship Division is about to start first week of August. The Premier League will only be a couple weeks behind. Actually, I hear the MSL is suposedly playing now. The Red Bulls have been looking to pull a Cosmos move and land some aging superstar. Zidane was mentioned, but I bet he’s off the radar now–still technically under contract anyway, whether he retires or not. Beckham. Ronaldo-grande. Whomever they land it won’t be a Pele, and it won’t make a difference. There’s no shortcuts. Make the league competitive and slowly increase the talent level across the board. It’s a poor standard right now. Give me a reason to want to watch it and I’ll start. Until then I’ll keep looking to Europe. If you can’t hook me, you have no chance.

What a game! After looking like a second-rate squad in their opener against the Czech Republic, the Americans came back strong with a sprited effort against an Italian team that looked fantastic in its opening match.

The Americans were able to frustrate the Italian side by working loading up the midfield and playing very aggressively, constantly fouling the Italians. Unofrtunately the officials issued an incredible three red cards! The Americans played with a 10-9 disadvantage for much of the game, but still managed to hang on for the draw.

With Ghana’s amazing 2-0 upset over the Czech Republic, the United States now has a clear path to advance. They need to defeat Ghana and then hope for a win by Italy over the Czechs.

Defeating Ghana will not be easy, though Ghana will be without two of their top players in the match. Ghana looked great agaist Italy in the opener despite losing 2-0, so many shouldn’t be surprised by their win over the Czechs.

As for Italy, they have to be disappointed by their effort against the United States.

Ten days away from the start of the world cup and every soccer fan, or at least the writers, seem to be losing faith. No matter where you look, it seems every country is heading for trouble. Except, perhaps, the US, where as usual, barely a peep is heard about the national team. Ironically, they’re the team with the most to worry about.

Even Brazil seems rattled right now. Edmilson is off due to a knee injury. Ronaldinho claims to be so tired he can barely stand. They’re even worrying about how many sausages Ronaldo has been tucking-in. While everyone else is tuning up with actual national teams, Brazil is playing against children (under-21 sides from club teams). I guess they know what they’re doing, but even the fans of the undisputed best team in the world are getting concerned.

Most teams are still nervously tinkering with line-ups. Some of this is just to give the regulars a rest, and much of it is over-blown, but Germany is still desperately searching for a defense. Any idiot would know just to throw Ballack, Klose, and Schweinsteiger up front, but you’d think they’d have had the back sorted sometime before now. It doesn’t look like they can stop anyone. Klinsmann should have had nothing else to think about for months. Apparently, a California beach isn’t conducive to that sort of thinking.

England has the whole Rooney saga. That’s shaping up to be their next ’if only …’ excuse. As in ’if only the plane hadn’t crashed in Munich’ , ’if only Maradona hadn’t cheated’, ’if only Becks was healthy’. They pull a new one out every four years–some lame, some not. They do look a bit lost right now with Owen alone up front. They actually look a little better with the novelty act, Frankenst–er I mean, Crouch in there with him, but Sven is right not to trust that. So the tinkering continues there. Including throwing a 17 year old who doesn’t even play for his club team into the mix. They’ll be ok with or without Rooney–but only ok, and that’ll never be good enough in Blighty. They’re right to be worried.

Italy is being overwhelmed with the match fixing scandal. Practically everyone on the national team has a link to it. The consensus seems to be that that distraction is going to be too much for them, and they’ll quickly duck back home in shame. Maybe a proper problem like this is just what they needed to keep the focus somewhere else than on their game. The only other thing they’ve been whining about was that Luca Toni misses too many chances. He only led the universe in scoring–how many did they expect him to stick in? But, that’s the Italians. They have a habit of inventing disasters, maybe they’ll do better if they already have a real one. For ninety minutes they can just go out and play and forget about everything else. See if that works–nothing else was.

Anyway, it seems no one is comfortable right now. That’s as it should be. The tension is building, and suddenly everyone has doubts. Beautiful, isn’t it?

The World Cup. In just a few short weeks, the greatest sporting event on earth is going to bring most of the planet to a virtual halt. London will be left to the tourists. Spaniards will skip their siestas. Even the French will be bothered. Germany will be mobbed. From the poorest tribal village in Angola, to the coca fields in Costa Rica, to the beaches of Trinidad, people will be tuning in to follow the fortunes of their country. To discover the one team that can rightfully boast of being World Champions. Playing a game the whole world plays, but an infinitely better competition than that other world-wide event also held every four years. In the World Cup, there are no races were the winner and loser is separated by smallest fractions of a second. No judges to decide who makes the prettiest circles on the ice. Just two teams of eleven men with strength, quickness, and sublime skill, going at it full speed for 90 minutes. There will be heartbreak, controversy, and just plain bad luck to moan over. Villains to jeer. New heroes to cheer. But, at the end, one country will reign supreme. Champions of the World in the one true, world-wide sport. The beautiful game. Soccer.

Sorry, it won’t be the US. Not this time. Their gaudy ranking of 4th or 5th in the world is frankly ridiculous. They had a surprisingly good showing in Japan at the last World Cup and then played nothing but minnows for the four years in between. They won’t get any respect in the rest of the world until they actually earn some. Mexico is not Brazil. Canada is not Italy. The US is a decent mid-level team that is about to get clocked by some powerhouses. Italy and the Czech Republic will advance from the group and the Americans will limp back home to the one country that will barely notice.

No matter, there’s still so much to enjoy. Pick a team, there’s one for every imaginable taste, and go along for the ride.

Brazil is the team that must be on everybody’s short list. They still boast the flashiest, most brilliant players. They’re sickeningly good. An absolute joy to watch if you’re a neutral, but 90 minutes of dread if they’re playing your team. They have the best player in the world right now in Ronaldinho. Their only problem is that sometimes they care more about putting on a show than winning one.

The host country generally fares well, so Germany has to get consideration. They have an easy group and a possible meeting with a beatable England in the second round, so they could be well on their way without breaking much of a sweat. They don’t have a lot of firepower, but close games on their home turf are likely to fall their way.

Surely, Italy can’t go on being snakebit forever. Their karma is awful, though, if you believe in such things, and it’s starting to appear that they do. Constantly playing for 1-0 wins is dangerous. Hopefully they’ve learned that by now. They are due for some good fortune if anyone is. But, the understanding is the refs will be legit in the Cup, unlike theirs at home. That could take some getting used to.

My heart belongs to England. That’s where I learned to love the game. Their Premier League is the most exciting in the world along with being the easiest to follow from the States. I would love to see them win. They won’t, though. Injuries are nagging their already delicate team. Most hopes were shattered with Wayne Rooney‘s foot a couple of weeks ago. Their young, superstar striker will likely play, but will limp around ineffectually, much like David Beckham did in the last World Cup.

Need a dark horse? Get on Portugal. Almost no one seems to be talking about them. Scolari is probably the best coach in the world, and this team is just rock solid throughout. He’s very good at taking a bunch of egos and getting them to play well together, and that’s what he has here. Figo in his swan song. The irksome, Christiano Ronaldo in what could be his break-out tournament. The always dependable Pauleta. They‘re going to be tough to beat.

The truth is, any of about 16 of the teams have a legitimate shot at winning it all. With a little luck, and a great game on a given day, it could happen for any one of them. Part of the thrill is that for about 10 of the other teams, it’ll be considered a huge triumph to make it out of the first stage, and a couple of them will. You have to root for tiny Trinidad and Tobago, and war ravaged Angola just for making it there. Iran will be there, but their women won’t be allowed to watch. Every match will have story. Kick back with the rest of the world for the month. See what all the fuss is about. 6 billion people are not wrong.