It has been a very quiet and uneventful off-season. Not even the rumors have been very interesting lately.

Tottenham look to spend some of the buckets of money Man Utd. gifted them for Carrick on Boro’s Stuart Downing and Wigan’s Pascal Chimbonda. They look to be a team headed in the right direction, finally. I’ll still try not to watch many matches until they get their footing. Apparently, my television being tuned to their matches disrupts the delicate cosmic energy and throws the team into disarray.

Other than maybe Liverpool, none of the other big guns in the Prem seem to be improving much. Most are treading water. ‘Arry will have Portsmouth playing better again, especially if he lands Sol Campbell. The two happened to be spotted in a north London pub together.

Villa, without a big influx of cash from a possible take-over, have to be one of the relegation favorites. The ship is sinking–only the rats are still aboard. Despite their amazing good showing last year, Wigan will probably be right down their with them this time around. I think they’re pretty much neck and neck with all the just promoted teams. They remain a nice story, though. I, for one, will be rooting for their survival

I expected Fulham to struggle last year–more than they did. I’m thinking the same way again. If they start off slowly, I think Chris Coleman could be the first sacked manager. There are more than a couple big names floating about, and Mo Fayed should start thinking about someone to try to take them to the next level.

So bring on the season already before we all die of the boredom. Ipswich and the rest of the Championship begin this weekend. They’ve signed exactly nobody this off-season. Their struggle to stay up begins against Crystal Palace on Saturday. Mid-table obscurity is about as much as can be hoped for this year.

UEFA did do a little tweaking to their rules that might improve things. Slightly harsher penalties on any racism incidents, but even better–a two match ban now for anyone whistled for diving. What is Christiano to do? His Plan A was continuous step-overs until everyone hypnotically fell asleep–didn’t work. Plan B was flopping–now that’s being taken away. Hopefully, Plan C is actually attempting to play the game he’s supposed to be pretty good at.

About everywhere you look these days you run across a Manchester United fan with his hair on fire worrying himself to death about the state of the biggest team in sport. It doesn’t help that on this side of the pond, being an English football fan is almost synonymous with being a ManU supporter. I’m not, but I never hated them, either. I never understood the old ‘you either love them or hate them’ adage. My feelings for them are on the lower end of indifference. Maybe my take on their state of things is a bit more balanced than the ’sky is falling’ wail of the supporters or the gleeful gloating of the detractors.

Initially, it seems the Mancunians that were burning Malcolm Glazer in effigy a year ago might have been on the money. He doesn’t seem willing to readily part with much of his own. The free-wheeling days of buying any player Sir Alex takes a fancy to, look to be over. They’ve been much more notable for the player that they shipped out than any they have bought this year.

They dumped Ruud van Nistlerooy on Real Madrid. The Spanish side, already loaded with more egos than talent, apparently had room for one more. He’s a perfect fit there. It could be argued that Manchester didn’t get a fair return on him, but he had to go and the world knew it. I’m no fan of Ruud. He rarely creates anything (other than tears for Christiano, of course). He gets his 20 odd goals a year off rebounds and mistakes. You could say that he has a knack for getting into position to get those kinds of goals. I could say that he’s just a lucky git. Regardless, I wouldn’t want him on my team. The Dutch didn’t even want him on theirs.

United supporters seemed shocked that some highly priced replacement wasn’t immediately bought up in his place, though. In truth, Ferguson very much wanted the 22 year old, Fernando Torres at Atletico Madrid, but he couldn’t lure him. That they couldn’t just snatch up a player they eyed at will might be a surprise–the power in the football world has shifted. But, it doesn’t really matter. It’s a very slight shift.

They are already blessed with some kid that is rumored to be able to play a bit. Wayne Rooney remains at Old Trafford, afterall. Louis Saha can play beside him. He’s no slouch, he ’s just been waiting for an opportunity since joining the team from Fulham–where he was the huge fish in the small pond. He’ll settle in this year. Solskjaer is also coming off of a two-year absence with knee injuries. He probably won’t ever be the old Ole anymore, but he should be fine as the third option off the bench. They also have taken a flyer on the young Guiseppe Rossi. If he comes around, the strike force is suddenly as formidible as ever.

For some unknown reason, they also have the flopping showboat, Christiano Ronaldo. His feelings should be in a much better state now that Ruud isn’t there being rude to him. Some people remain high on him. I can’t stand him. I’m told Ferguson will make a proper footballer out of him yet. If so, this is the year for it.

The major signing for them this off-season has been getting Michael Carrick from Tottenham. That is a significant improvement to the team right there. The midfield could use some more help, and the defense isn’t as iron-clad as possible, but there isn’t much wrong with Manchester United. If you take Chelsea out of the picture, they look about as strong and dominant as usual in the Premier League.

They don’t have to buy every player on the planet. Chelsea is doing that (and if they get Ashley Cole from Arsenal it would take an act of God to stop them this year). Madrid did it before them. Manchester has more competition in that department now, but that doesn’t mean they are doomed. Smarter, more prudent buys might not be what their supporters are used to, but it will probably pay off just fine in the long run. Overpaying for the likes of Ballack, Shevchenko, Drogba, Kezmann, Ronaldo, Beckham, Owen, van Nistlerooy–is not smart and will eventually kill those teams, I don’t care how much money they throw around.

That said, The Red Devils will still be chasing Chelski all year. Somewhere in the second tier with an improved Arsenal, Liverpool and Tottenham. But, don’t worry, they’ll never be in the second tier for long. And that group of teams are already closer to the Chelsea bastards than it looks on paper. If United can swing something to get Owen Hargreaves from Bayern, they’ll already be sitting in tier 1-b.

It would be monumentally sad if it wasn’t so expected. The Italian justice system, or what passes for it, has eased the penalties in the match fixing scandal to a light tap on the wrist. This is just the sort of thing that makes Italy a bit of a joke in the rest of the civilized world.

The original penalties were hardly the sharp retribution the offense deserved, but it was more than I expected from the notoriously dodgy Italian judges. On appeal, the verdicts are much more lenient. Juve still has to go down to Serie B, but without the harsh point reduction that would have probably kept them there for another year. Lazio and Fiorentina get to stay up, AC get to play in the cups.

On top of it all, the clubs have vowed to keep appealing to get even this wrist tap reduced. There is no reason for any of the teams to not carry-on just as they had been. No incentive for Juve not to buy the Serie B championship and the next 50 Serie A’s after that. Might someone not begin to get suspicious? Who cares. Obviously, not Italy.

I won’t be watching Italian football. There’s no point for me to do so. There are legitimate leagues around the world more deserving of the attention. Ipswich is about to play Lazio in a friendly. They should withdraw the invitation.

You could easily imagine the outrage and resulting fall-out had this match fixing occurred in England. Even their generally laughable FA would have hammered the teams involved. There wouldn’t even be a doubt. The US, being the US, would probably blast the individuals involved rather than the teams, but you’d think even here, the Yankees would be severely spanked. That’s what keeps them from even thinking of pulling a scam like this.

Enjoy the World Cup. Italy. You deserved it. You also deserve the scorn and ridicule the rest of the football world should now heap upon you. Your club football has lost whatever credibilty it had. Why should any decent player in the world want to ply their trade in that cesspool? And, above all, why should any fan care? Ciao, Italia.

The hot new rumor in the football world is that Cleveland Browns owner Randy Lerner is attempting to buy Aston Villa.

There are uncanny similarities between the Birmingham squad and the Browns. A Lerner would be taking over for the most reviled owner of a sports team since Art Modell. Again. Doug Ellis is loathed in England. The fan base is long suffering (and moan even longer about it). The purse strings have always been held tight and that has prevented the ‘big’ team ever competing with the usual front runners. Brum might be England’s ’second city’, but it is gritty and blue collar–much like Cleveland. No one wants to be in the city, let alone play there. Lerner can begin to change all that–at least as far as the football goes.

The Manchester fans might have went ballistic when Malcolm Glazer sprung for their beloved Red Devils, but the Villians should welcome Lerner with open arms. He has loads of dosh and is a hands-off owner. Preferring to let people who know what they’re doing run the show.

This could be the perfect solution for every one. Aston Villa will be rescued from tyranny, and Lerner will be allowed to spend some of his billions without being hindered by a salary cap. They’d immediately be a better bet to win a championship sooner than his Browns back home. All of a sudden, the high profile managers that turn their noses up at Villa (maybe Martin O’Neill?) might be interested.

Steve Bruce and Birmingham City should be very worried. Aston Villa would be the dominant team in the Midlands.

If Lerner can pull this off, I’ll buy a Villa shirt tomorrow. That’s already 30 or 40 extra quid in the coffers and one more supporter. Well, at least a half-hearted one. Ipswich will always be my team. In fact, what is Lerner thinking? Ipswich is a much more deserving spot for his largesse. What is his number? I hope I’m not too late.

I had to look at the calendar to make sure it wasn’t the 13th. Nothing is going right today in my world or the football world.

Darren Bent, who was much more intelligent while playing for Ipswich, apparently came close to cutting his arm off trying to make a sandwich. He’s going to miss several weeks for Charlton. Football 365 has compiled a list of quirky injuries. I’m desperately looking for something to brighten the day and those helped.

One of my favorite gaffers, Mick McCarthy is taking over at Wolves. Welcome back to the Championship. That means Wolverhampton Wanderers has to now be added to the list of teams sure to be promoted before Ipswich Town. Oddly enough, Ipswich was recently looking for a manager themselves. McCarthy would have been perfect and would have proven Ipswich really wanted back in the top flight. Instead they pop for Jim Magilton, career coaching record (0-0). We will be mired in the Championship until I’m old. Older.

Alan Curbishley has said he’s not interested in filling what has to be the least attractive post in the Premiership–coaching at Villa. Aston Villa, with the worst chairman in the history of sport in Doug Ellis, has just sacked the worthless David O’Leary, only to find he might well have been the only person on the planet that wanted the job. You can forget any of the big names going there to die. Glenn Hoddle maybe. He’s about as worthless, so there may be some kind of weird balance in that move.

In one bright spot, Damien Duff appears headed for Newcastle. He was one of the few Chelski players I sort of liked. However, they seem to be clearing the way to sign Arsenal’s Ashley Cole. A move that can only be looked at with dread by the rest of the Premiership (and all mankind). I rather like seeing them dump loads of money on worthless pieces and parts, but it hurts when they get it right occasionally. Shipping Del Horno to Valencia opens it up for Cole, and they’re the one team in the league willing to overpay for him now.

Ruud Van Nistlerooy is supposed to return to training with ManU Monday despite all efforts to get rid of him. Unlike their northern rivals, Liverpool, who tend to dump quality players for next to nothing, United have a bit of business sense, and are waiting until they get a reasonable offer. Poor Christiano won’t get a wink of sleep all weekend now.

Or he could–if he tried to watch the second legs of the Intertoto Cup which resumes tomorrow. In what is easily the most worthless and unnecessary Cup competition in Europe. I might even opt for an MLS match over one of those. No. It’s not quite that bad.

Bruce Arena was quickly snatched up by the Red Bulls as the new joke coach of a joke team in a joke league. After his dismal running of an overrated American squad in the World Cup, I guess he had to take what he could get. He publicly complained right after the Cup that the American players had to go abroad to hone their skills in order to become competitive. He was absolutely correct there. The first thing he’d gotten right in a month. The advice didn’t apply to him, apparently. Sorry Bruce, Europe has all the bog standard coaches it needs at the moment–good luck in Jersey.

I’ve been looking over the transfer lists, but there really hasn’t been much to raise the eyebrows over yet. I don’t really think Chelsea has improved over last year despite dropping even more dosh. Ballack, Shevchenko, Mikel–so what? They’re going to be focused on the Champions League this year, since that’s the coveted bit of silverware they haven’t won. The race might be tighter in the Premier League. They just might end up with nothing. There’s always hope.

The Premiership challenge has to come from the usual suspects, though. There’s no new teams sneaking into the upper echelon yet. I think Arsenal are slipping a bit rather than gaining. Their defense is getting worse by the day. Cambell is gone. Senderos is out. Cole wants to leave. The new stadium isn’t going to be hosting the same quality that has been on the pitch at Highbury the last few years. The Invincibles, they aren’t. Chelsea probably won’t dip far enough for the Gunners to be a factor.

ManU need a few signings–and no, Ole Gunnar isn’t one. He’ll never be quite the same after his destroyed knee. They’re in the process of getting rid of Ruud, but dead set on keeping prissy Crissy Ronaldo (on the same team as his best mate in the world, Wayne Rooney). When they need help, and they do especially in the midfield, they’ve always gone out and got it. They’re still the biggest team in the game. As long as the Glasers keep up that tradition, they should add enough talent to push that London team.

Liverpool might be the strongest of the lot. They trimmed some dead weight. Bruno Cheyrou, the next Zidane, wasn’t and never will be. Morientes, Hamann, Cisse, were all superfluous parts. Adding Gabriel Paletta may help in the back. I’ve never cared for Craig Bellamy (Norwich bloke that he was), but Liverpool might be the perfect spot for him–if there is one. They want a few more signings, but the purse strings seem to be tightening. If they can wrestle away one of the relegated Italians or two–they could be right there at the end.

I always have a soft spot for Tottenham. Especially with Martin Jol coaching now. I always support them, but they only win when I’m not watching. They haven’t really bulked up any over last year, but the pack may come to them. I’ll do my part. I refuse to watch a live Spurs match until October (unless they’re playing Chelski). I’ll give them until then. Can’t say fairer than that.

The Italian verdicts are in–pending the inevitable appeal. They may not have been the draconian slams that the offense may have deserved. After all, how dare the bastards ruin one of the few good things in the world for their own greedy little ends. If I were King, I’d have their heads. Actually, I’d have many many heads, so it’s probably just as well I stay in my current position.

None of the rumors I heard concerning the possible penalties the clubs faced were worse than what actually came down. So, I’m not hugely disappointed. I half suspected it would be much lighter. There was even talk at one point of granting all involved an amnesty. There is a massive amount of money at stake, and that’s what everything comes down to in the end. It would have been a remarkable result if the Italians gave the crime a fitting sentence. They ended up slapping a little harder than I expected them to anyway. Sorry Inter fans (I’m one)–disbanding AC was never going to happen.

But for all you out there too disgusted to support the crooked Serie A, I offer redemption. There exists a fine little team in the East of England, in the idyllic setting of Constable country, off the North Sea coast. They play beautiful football. Stressing defense and passing. Well, that is seemingly what they often look to be doing. Sometimes you have to squint to see it. Good, solid, blue collar, hard-working, non-cheating… Everything you could ask for in a football team. They are Ipswich Town.

There is no match fixing there. The results speak for themselves. They couldn’t even afford to pay Darren Bent, Marcus Bent, Richard Wright, Kieron Dyer, Matt Holland, Herman Hriedersson. The sad list is endless. No thought could ever be given to attempting to buy a single ref. They don’t even offer me a pint to say nice things about them. The games don’t always end happily, but they are always legit.

So now’s your chance to get on the wagon. Don’t leave it too late. Once we get a bit of Champions League silverware, and all that–you’ll just be accused of being a frontrunner then. Soon as I’m King.

Whatever you do, take my advice (and Elvis Costello’s). Don’t go to Chelsea.

Newcastle will kick things off tomorrow night at St James’ Park against Lillestrom in the Intertoto Cup. They do it without Michael Owen, obviously. Alan Shearer is no more. And the diminutive Scott Parker now wears the captain’s arm band. I like Glenn Roeder, but I think Toon are going to find it tough going this year. They’ll be solid mid-table, but they’ll need some signings if they’re going to keep up with the tier of teams just below Chelsea (Arsenal, ManU, Liverpool).

The Italian verdicts are supoposed to be in about now. They wanted to wait until the financial markets closed for the weekend. That should tell you something. Juve, Fiorentina, Lazio are all to be relegated to Serie B and AC Milan are booted from the Champions League. Now all we need is some public beheadings of the guilty refs and team management, and we’ll call things square.

Still not much of immediate note taking place in the football world. The Italians are apparently giving the players and fans a chance to enjoy the Cup before dragging the unpleasantness of the match fixing verdicts back out. Needs to happen very soon, though. It’s expected that Juventus will be slammed, but the other parties, even Fiorentina, will just get a slap.

Real Madrid continues their never ending quest to make as many big money busts as possible. Rumored to have been courting one of the most worthless high profile coaches in the world in Sven Goren Erickson, now they’re leading the race to land a worthless high profile striker as well. Ruud van Nistlerooy appears set to go to Spain. Man U would love to dump him. Especially since they seem to want to keep weepy Ronaldo now, and Ruud always hurts his feelings. Looks like Barcelona in a walk this year. Real is becoming a laughing stock. All that money–and nothing to show for it but a circus act. Take note Chelski.

Speaking of hurt feelings, the word is FIFA is now looking into Materazzi to see what he did to provoke Zidane. What are they going to do? Ban players from talking to each other? I don’t care what he said to him, Zidane has to know better. It’s the bloody World Cup final, you imbicile. Kick his ass later. You’d think a French player would know what to do in that situation. He should have taken a page out of the Monty Python book and just ran away from the insidious taunting, whether his mother wears the combat boots or not.

Ipswich’s first loss of the season is only about 3 weeks away already. The Championship Division is about to start first week of August. The Premier League will only be a couple weeks behind. Actually, I hear the MSL is suposedly playing now. The Red Bulls have been looking to pull a Cosmos move and land some aging superstar. Zidane was mentioned, but I bet he’s off the radar now–still technically under contract anyway, whether he retires or not. Beckham. Ronaldo-grande. Whomever they land it won’t be a Pele, and it won’t make a difference. There’s no shortcuts. Make the league competitive and slowly increase the talent level across the board. It’s a poor standard right now. Give me a reason to want to watch it and I’ll start. Until then I’ll keep looking to Europe. If you can’t hook me, you have no chance.

The month long football orgy is over–unless you live in Italy. Like all orgies, it was fabulous while it lasted, but it’s time to get back to the day to day.

While players drift off for a couple last weeks in the sun, teams are already gearing up for the long seasons that are about to begin. Many players will be drifting back to different clubs. Particularly once the fall-out from the Italian scandal is sorted. The huge stars at Juve, AC etc may be looking to move on soon–or will be forced to.

Coaches have left, been replaced–including seemingly every international one. Even Lippi has left after winning the World Cup. Everyone else is leaving, presumably, because they did not. Klinsmann has quit Germany. If I’m the US Federation, I’m on the blower with him yesterday trying to convince him to take over for Arena. That move would be huge for the US team. Anything short of something like that, is going to seem like a step backward.

Tons of transfers I’ve barely had a chance to glance at. Chelsea’s usual horde, of course, but some other surprises as well. Probably many more coming soon, since the notable distraction has come to an end. Didi Hamman bolts Liverpool for Bolton, then immediately bolts again for Man City.

It’s all very confusing. I’m still working my way through the World Cup hangover. It’s going to take a couple days to start to be able to make sense of everything.

Italy somehow overcame history and beat France in penalty kicks to win the 2006 World Cup. 1-1 (5-3). David Trezeguet helped by being the only one to miss. He’s another one of those much lauded players I’ve never seen do anything of note.

France dug their own grave today. They scored first and quickly on a questionable penalty, but then let Italy right back in it before 20 minutes were played. It was scoreless after that, but France had the better of it the whole way.

Then Zidane, unbelievably, after being worshipped all day by the grovelling ESPN announcers, had a perfect header and planted it perfectly. Unfortunately it wasn’t the ball, what he buried was one Marco Materazzi–who must have been making disparaging comments about his lineage. In what is bound to go down as the first use of video instant replay in soccer (it was rather apparent no official saw it happen), the great Zidane brought his glorious career to an infamous end, and was rightly sent off.

That sparked Italy a bit, but not enough. France then had to yank Thierry Henry, always accused of not showing up in big matches anyway. He was there today, just didn’t accomplish much.

Italy staggerd into penalty kicks having never won in that situation in the World Cup. I’m sure that wasn’t their grand plan, but there they were. The best keeper in the world, against a crazy man (Barthez). Oddly, the penalties ended up having nothing to do with either of them.

France’s two best penalty takers (maybe their 3 best–I’m not sure about Ribery), were all off by the time the chips were down. The one person I thought would have been France’s sure bet, Trezeguet, ended up missing off the bar, while Italy, rather cautiously, buried all their attempts.

Congratulations Italia. It was a pleasure.

I don’t know if anyone was bothered, I hardly was, but Germany beat the Whinging Divers 3-1 in what is essentially just a money making exhibition match at the World Cup.

Technically, the match is for third place, but it’s really just a way to pass the time until the big day tomorrow.

You’d expect this sort of game to be more wide open and this one was. It was back and forth action with Germany having the best of it. Schweinsteiger’s two goals were rockets. Kahn finally got to play. Ballack sat. Except for Christiano Ronaldo continuing to collapse at the slightest breath in his direction, the game was well and fairly played. Just about exactly what you’d hope for in this friendly. Even the home crowd got to go home happy.

But, bring on the real show.

Everyone is thinking the final’s going to be a real defensive display. That stands to reason, of course. I think an early goal would change all that and either side have plenty of guns to sneak something inside of 15 minutes. I’m thinking Italy 3-1 in a great match. The start is important, though. If both defenses hold at the beginning, look for it to tighten up the rest of the way. Then it’s a 1-0 nailbiter that could fall either way. Alright, it’s going to fall to Italy anyway. The idiot, Barthez will flub one, if all else fails.

Merci, France for knocking the scourge of football out of the World Cup. Zinadine Zadane smacked a penalty home midway through the first half and Les Bleus held on for the 1-0 victory over Portugal.

It was a bit ironic France beat them in that fashion. Portugal continued true to form, diving, flopping and crying all over the pitch, begging for a cheap penalty. If they’d worry less about their acting careers, they might be fine footballers some day.

Poor Christiano thinks the ref was biased since he wasn’t having any of it from the Portuguese. I think his days in ManU are numbered. He won’t be welcomed back. Maybe somewhere in Spain.

That sets up a classic final Sunday between Italy and France. With proper football being played. Thank you, football gods.

Italy’s defense bent a little, but never broke, and gave the Italians a 2-0 win over the hosts in extra time. The German defense looked up to the task, surprisingly. Except for a shot off the post and another off the bar in the first extra period, Italy hardly threatened.

The Italians seemed to get a corner every other minute, but would just lamely loft it right in to Lehmann every time. It took a great shot from Fabio Grosso, just a minute or so from penalty kicks, followed seconds later by the clincher by Del Piero to finally break the German hearts.

Obviously, Italy shouldn’t have wanted it to come down to penalties. Germany surely wins if they’d have just held out a few seconds longer. Italy (like England) never wins them, Germany never loses them. Italy would have had very slim hopes to finally do so in Dortmund.

You have to say it played out exactly the way the Italians would have wanted. In a defensive battle, they’d expect to be able to hang on while waiting for a lapse from Germany. It never came. In fact, Germany looked better in the back than the Italians did. It took a lightening strike to win it, that no defense was going to be able to stop.

If only Michael Ballack was as good as he thinks he is, Germany probably win easily today. He was handled effectively by Gattuso all day long. A supposedly great player, completely ineffective the entire match.

Other than him, though, the German team were great the whole tournament. Hats off to Klinsmann. The defense I thought was going to be porous, shut down everyone.

But the World Cup is going to Roma.

The entire World Cup for me now rests in the hands of Italy. I hate the other three teams more or less passionately.

The diving, crying (and England beating) Portugal. Who are good enough not to have to play that way, but choose to do so anyway. I have no respect for them. The refs deserve their share of blame for some of what has gone on in this World Cup, but the shameful gamesmanship, especially by Portugal, is the main problem. It’s rampant, and a blight on the current game. I actually liked them going in. They were one of my underdog picks to slip into the finals. Now they disgust me. From Figo on down. Actually, from Scolari on down. Winning may be everything–but do it right or not at all.

Germany, I’ve never really liked. How could you, really? But it’s more their past that I can’t get over. The boring, mechanical defensive games they always played. This team is different. If I could erase all my other memories of them and start with a clean slate, I might actually be pulling for them now. They are a team full of complete and utter jerks, though. Schweinsteiger’s rap sheet is endless for someone as young as he is. Ballack gets along with no one but himself. The neverending saga between the two whinging goalkeepers Kahn and Lehmann–both good–both would prefer not being on the same planet as the other, let alone the same team. Klinsmann was right to stay in California as far away as he could get from this lot. I don’t really have anything against jerks per se, though. It doesn’t really matter to me what sort of people they are–they’re just footballers to me. I just can’t bring myself to root for a team I’ve always rooted against. Anyway, playing at home is enough of an advantage–reason enough to be against them.

The only thing good I have to say about France is Henry and Zidane. I like them both. Enjoy watching both play. Almost always pull for them no matter what team they are on. I hope they both continue to do well in the World Cup, while France lose as embarrassingly as possible. My main issue with France is their fans. I’ve never met one that I didn’t hate. I can’t possibly pull for a team supported by fans like that. The most cynical, by far, in the world. Most people have a love/hate relationship with their national teams (or adopted national teams, as the case may be). The French just hate theirs. Except when they happen to win. I can’t tolerate that.

So it’s down to Italy. My full and unyielding support now belongs to the Azzurri. I’m well aware of the problems going on in Italy. I don’t want to hear anymore. I don’t care right now. I know the team isn’t a bunch of sweet little angels. I don’t mind the odd elbow here and there, but I hope Totti can refrain from spitting on anyone. I like Buffon–even though I’m aware he finds some questionable things ‘funny’. I like Luca Toni. I like Del Piero. Gattuso. They’re my kind of team.

Unfortunately for them. My support is a very dangerous thing. Just look at England, Ipswich, Charlton, Indians, Browns, Cavs… the list is as long as I want it to be. Whomever I support, is soon headed for trouble. The Italians already had the weight of the world on their shoulders and did okay up to now. We’ll see how they handle the dread of having my full support. It spells almost certain doom. Call your bookies now (fans only please).